Perth Birth Nerd

This one is a bit of a love letter to the village I found in the depths of postpartum, and a reminder that we all, every one of us, need other mums on our journey into matrescence.

I remember the first Parent’s Group session I attended. I was 6 weeks postpartum, believing the myth that the challenge of a newborn should  be over at this point, and now was the time I should “bounce back”. 

Except I wasn’t bouncing anywhere. I still felt a bit lost, like I was getting carried away in a current, with no idea where I was headed. So I sat there, with a bit of impostor syndrome and a smidge of social anxiety, praying my wee bub wouldn’t erupt into her usual ear-splitting, heart-wrenching screams. 

There were just five of us to begin with. We all had that same tired, deer-in-the-headlights look. Yet, we were there. And everyone seemed so open for connection. 

Our Child Health Nurse (CHN) did the WORST possible icebreaker of all time:

“Ok, let’s go around the circle, tell us your birth story and whether or not you are breastfeeding”.

The wide range of experiences women can have in this space can include feeding issues, obstetric violence, disempowered birth- the list goes on. So, yeah, not the most trauma-informed or sensitive way to begin with a group of strangers!  Somehow, we got past that, and sat through the information sessions together, politely answering the CHN’s questions and adding to the discussion. 

After four weeks,  we were on our own. We started with “Same time next week, at the coffee shop?”. And that was when the magic really started to happen. 

The mother’s group catch-ups became central to my week. We met for coffees, in parks, for Rhyme Time and even tried out the local playgroup together. As I navigated the unfamiliar terrain of mothering a baby, I had others walking the path next to me. They were there with a sympathetic ear, support, and a validating “us too”. The group chat became the best forum for questions and suggestions. In person or via chat, we vented, we laughed, we exchanged tips and tricks. And we grew into our new identities. 

In our group, it was never a competition. Some babies slept well, but most didn’t. Some fed really easily, while other feeding journeys were more complex and colourful. Some bubs were early to roll, then crawl, then walk. Between us all, we tried everything from co-sleeping to sleep training, from purees to baby-led weaning. In sharing our struggles and our successes, we all learned from each other. And we could share openly because there was no judgement- we knew everyone was doing the best they could. 

Our kids are now toddlers, like proper little people. They get excited about seeing each other and it is so beautiful to see their relationships form. But truly, it was always about more than our babies. It was about their mothers. Some days I feel I need advice and support from my fellow mamas more than ever- toddlerhood is no joke! That reassurance that I’m not alone in the struggle still gets me through the hardest of days. 

When my first was born I was fortunate to already friends and relatives who were mums- some with grown-up kids, others with older babies, and everything in between. This part of my village was vital too. To have the ones who have gone before you. Who are past that new-parent pressure to do everything by the book. The ones who say wild things like “don’t worry, babies bounce” and “oh, we don’t bother sterilising bottles anymore”. 

Even the grandparents have insight to offer. Their comments like “I never had that problem with any of you kids” and “we never worried about stuff like that in our day”, whilst irritating, can open our minds to what parenting could look like without the weight of modern expectations and the 3am Google. 

These mums in my life are so important. But it’s not the same as having people at the same stage as you. Looking at a mum who is beyond that newborn stage, or beyond the baby stage, they always look like they have it “figured out”. I believe we also need the camaraderie of those in the trenches with you, fighting the same fight. It meant the world to me, and still does. 

The gratitude and fondness I have for these women runs so deep. They held me, even in my second postpartum. They have shaped who I am.   

So I am a fan. For any mum out there- expectant, brand new, or at any point in the journey- seek out a village, especially mums at your stage of mothering. 

Now, it is important to acknowledge that other people have certainly had mixed experiences with parent groups formed at the CHN. There are all sorts of people out there and, like everything in life, it really makes a difference who turns up. I would say if you aren’t vibing with your mother’s group, don’t be afraid of finding or creating a new network. 

I believe authenticity is the key to creating meaningful connections. Being real about struggles is so important. Real about sleep, feeding, pain and relationships. Respecting everyone’s choices for their family. And certainly not propagating the ‘perfect mother’ myth. 

If you have that, you will have a village. And it takes a village to raise a mother. 

How do I find a mother’s group?

Child Health Nurse-Led Groups

In Perth, most mother’s groups are gathered by the Child Health Nurse. They usually run a new group each month, inviting new mums from the area to attend some information sessions about parenting. From there, the group is encouraged to meet up independently. However, it is worth noting that some CHNs won’t offer this service to everyone, particularly to second-time mums, so if it’s not offered at your first appointment, you may have to ask. If there isn’t one running at your closest Child Health Centre, try contacting a center in the next suburb over. 

Mother-Baby Nurture Groups 

Mother-Baby Nurture Groups are run in several locations throughout Perth. 

Make Your Own

There is power in asking the question “Are you in a mother’s group?”. We ‘adopted’ a couple of our mums through asking that question at other baby activities. All it takes is openness.

You can meet other mums in a variety of places: 

• Your local library during Rhyme Time or Storytime
• Playgroups- often on offer at a local primary school
• Cloth Nappy Workshops 
• Your local church may have parent groups
• Postnatal pilates/yoga/aquarobics
• Facebook groups such as the Perth Homebirth Group

Any more ideas to find your village of mamas? Drop me a line below!